books are drugs.

after a 24-hour hiatus, I am here again.
they call to me from the shelves above, inviting themselves into my arms. how else can I explain how the one book I am holding turns into five, ten more, replicating at a pace that would rival that of rabbits.
like an office without greenery, a home without books is lifeless and bleak. there's even something in the smell of a book that makes a room feel richer.
psychological studies tell me that simply by reading a book, you may fall under its influence by adapting your beliefs and the way you live your life.
I bring them home with me, where the most aesthetically pleasing ones are snatched up quickly, while the fatter tomes that beg for my promise of commitment languish on the bedside table. the three week deadline rolls around, despite my attempts to keep them in my possession a little longer, and the greater majority return unread, not even opened. but it doesn't matter. building a book fortress, blanketing myself with books, breathing in books... it's almost the same as reading them, isn't it?
I'm like Alaska Young, constructing around myself a wall of books to hide behind.
but I'm reading myself out.

I won't muddy the waters by starting on my anti-kindle rant.
until next time.



{sourced}

for the college-goers: how to remain above the poverty line in school

1. Avoiding the highway robbery of the campus bookstore

It's that delightful time of the year again...

Second only to filing taxes as my least favorite thing to do (heck, who am I kidding... somehow I have an amazing dad who still lets me off the hook by doing those for me. Ten points for dad.), it's time to order TEXTBOOKS.

Why is this such a chore? Don't get me wrong, I love picking out the books I'm later going to throw across the room in agony during finals, but when it comes to paying for them... ick. I've never understood why something made out of trees, ink, and some glue costs three digits (and more, if your college bookstore is as painfully overpriced as mine).

I was recently told about this place, campus book rentals. I'm usually not a big fan of renting books because it's so hard to find all of the books from the same company and I end up paying shipping costs from five different places. Plus the prices never really seem that much cheaper compared to used textbooks. But I looked around on this site, and in addition to having ALL my textbooks that I need this fall, one of them was $45, as opposed to the preposterous price of $222 that my college bookstore is charging.
http://www.campusbookrentals.com/search.i?qsearch=0840033559+&x=38&y=36
If I'm gonna pay $200 for a book, I'd rather it be for something awesome like the text for my Zombie class (no joke: my college offers a class on apocalyptic-themed literature and films. We're watching Night of the Living Dead, among other classics. Never have I so looked forward to school...)
Also, shipping on everything is free both ways (woot!) and they also buy books back (they don't have to be from their company) for quite a decent sum.

2. Thinking outside the box: Ramen is your friend... if you want to overdose on sodium

Eating nutritious food --> better health --> better studying. And no, I am not referencing ramen here as a nutritious food... Boxes of whole wheat or regular pasta at my local grocery store (Martin's) are only a bit more expensive than ramen. Throw some grated cheddar in there with a splash of milk and a chunk of butter and you have yourself some 10x-better-than-kraft-macncheese.
Cheapest good-for-you foods on a college budget: Oatmeal (old-fashioned/rolled oats - not the instant kind. It takes 5-10 minutes and only uses oats, water, and milk at the bare minimum.), rice & beans (to make it taste less blah add cilantro, salsa, curry powder, taco seasoning, cheese, onions, red peppers, diced tomatoes, whatever.), fruits and vegetables from a local farmer's market (usually a lot cheaper than the grocery store, at least in my area), cottage cheese or yogurt with fruit, homemade soups (there are a lot of really simple recipes using cheap ingredients), peanut butter (oh the many inventive ways I have used peanut butter... but that's another post entirely), tuna, pancakes, potatoes.

3. Take advantage of your cafeteria
Take a few pieces of fruit to go after a meal. If you're really desperate you may be able get away with a water bottle filled with milk or some ziploc bags filled with cereal and the like. Although, after getting yelled at by one of our kitchen staff, I have to say proceed at your own risk with this one.

4. Alcohol is expensive
I'm not sure any further elaboration is necessary.

5. Get over your phobias for secondhand
Dumpster diving. Thrift stores. These two things have saved my life [here meaning wallet] in college. Dumpster diving on campus at the very end of the semester is always the best time, because all the seniors are realizing post-grad life really doesn't require a mini-fridge, bed risers or 2000 extra index cards. A goodwill or salvation army in a college town usually has awesome finds as well, for the same reason. I have yet to actually dumpster dive anywhere besides my college, although it's on my to-do list. A word of caution though, as some places consider it trespassing.

6. On campus jobs 
7. Biking and carpooling
8. Couponing (http://www.campusspecial.com/ or  http://www.groupon.com) and student discounts (most restaurants and college-age-targeted stores have one)
9. Buy in bulk (costco, sharp shopper, sam's club)
10. Limit coffee and meat consumption 


There are countless other tricks to living cheaply, but it really all comes down to budgeting wisely and distinguishing between the necessities of life.
You don't actually need to wash your hair every day. 
College parties are overrated. 
And ditch those dryer sheets. 

summer nights

sit under the stars and listen to this.

Were our lips to meet, 

our shared breath would speak 

of our love on a level where 

entwined souls gracefully traverse 

the midnight stars.

— (via graciouswords)

phosphenes

my thoughts are stars I can't fathom into constellations. 

credits to John Green for his gloriously written book The Fault In Our Stars, and to Matthew Cusick for stunning artwork.

spontaneity

I could start off with what is becoming my compulsory opener, "I've been so busy", "school is kicking my butt", "the resident mice in my dorm room chewed up all the important wiring to my computer beyond repair"... (okay, that one might be less than true..) but I think I need to realize that, like it or not, blogger and I have an open relationship. I'd like to settle down and commit to a post-a-week, but the days of my youthful fancy are not yet over. I admit been having somewhat of a fling with pinterest (I'd like someone to explain to me how in three months this beast left facebook and twitter in the dust of my internet obsessions list. HOW?!). But I am dragging my fingers away from obsessive compulsively pinning every cupcake recipe in sight to bring those of you who haven't yet become exasperated with my bipolar blogging this long-overdue update.

I've been thinking a lot recently about this generation and its obsessiveness with being different. I suppose it's not something limited to this time alone; being unique has always been something we've sought after. I guess what bothers me about the way it is now is the superiority. The "it's only a cool band when you're the first or only person to know about it" mindset just about makes me want to poke my eyes out in exasperation of how petty we are! I've certainly had my fair share of accusations that slander me with the oh-so-dreaded h-word, and while I know it's all in good fun, I hope it ends there. Sure, I like indie music as much as the next person, and there's a special place in my heart for cupcakes and thrifting, but I dislike the thought of being associated with such an aloof and apathetic group of people. Since when has the expression of emotion ever been a bad thing? To quote a great mind, "nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm." :) So be joyful; shout a song, laugh, cry.

Speaking of expressionism, I came across the amazing music of Lindsey Stirling the other day. I can't believe I hadn't heard of her before now, and I'm completely and utterly blown away. It's so refreshing to see someone so moved by music, and so freely able to express their love for it. My initial impression of the first few seconds was that she was strange, unconventional, and completely amazing. More often than I'd care to admit, I quickly write off people that I don't understand or think are just a little too strange. But crazy people are, after all, the spice of life. How boring life would be without those friends who never do quite what you expect.

"here's to the crazy ones. the misfits, the rebels, the troublemakers. the round pegs in the square holes, the ones who see things differently. they're not fond of the rules and have no respect for the status quo. you can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them. about the only thing you can't do is ignore them. because they change things, they push the human race forward. and while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius, because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do." 
— Jack Kerouac

no words today. just listen.

ode to oatmeal

breakfast is a beautiful thing. 

Sorry for the lack of an intellectual post today, I'm just really happy about food right now. recently I've become quite obsessive about oatmeal. I think it was the realization that I can put ANYTHING on top of it and still fool myself that it's a healthy breakfast. Not like I'm garnishing my breakfast with chocolate cake or anything, but nutella? coconut? white chocolate cranberry larabars? (ohh that was the best breakfast ever.) I used to think oatmeal of as a bowl of bland white mush, so if this has been your limited experience as well, please please change your life. SO GOOD.

1/2 C oats (old fashioned, rolled, steel cut. I personally prefer steel cut, but if Walmart as opposed to Whole Foods is your grocery stop, they may be more difficult to find.) 

1/2 C milk

1/2 C water 

dash of salt (secret: I never use this. I understand using a pinch of salt in anything with yeast or baking soda/powder, but oatmeal? I fail to see what it adds. So if you're a compulsive salt-adder, feel free to frown upon my rebellious cooking habits.) 

1/2 banana, cut into chunks

1 tsp PURE vanilla extract (never ever ever use imitation! please, for the love of all that is delicious!)

Combine all ingredients (minus vanilla) in a small saucepan over medium heat. I normally just let mine sit (no stirring yet) while I get dressed, do dishes, whatever. Because I hate waiting. When the oats have absorbed most of the liquid, stir/whip around the edges to make the bananas nice and fluffy. yum. Add vanilla, and whatever you want on top. Excellent combinations include raspberries, blackberries and strawberries, walnuts and extra bananas, peanut butter (trust me, it's fantastic.), trail mix, peaches, apples and cinnamon, pumpkin, almonds and coconut, pumpkin seeds, maple syrup, crumbled cookies, muffins, breads, or plain brown sugar if you're boring. ;) there's no wrong here. NO WRONG. (lots of caps in this post... and parentheses... it's just one of those days.) 

also, yesterday I had a revelation. Bananas were made for nutella. And any kind of chocolate goes wonderfully with oats (these cookies? delish). So... nutella-banana-oatmeal is definitely going to be tested in mornings to come...

other favorite morning foods? As wonderful as oatmeal is, I'm looking to expand my breakfast horizons. ;)

so this is the new year

2012. I already like the sound of it. I don't know if it's looking back at mistakes and regrets from last year, or just that I like the rather cliched thought of turning over a new leaf, but I'm so excited to see what this new year holds.

aspirations for the year...

learn a new instrument. crossing my fingers for accordion, though I'd happily settle for banjo or cello. :]

stop having such an entitlement attitude, and instead see everything as a blessing, even if it seems like something to be taken for granted.
the other day while driving (did I mention I drive now? :] getting my license and college parking pass was waaayy overdue..) I saw a bumper sticker that had striked a line through the typical phrase "God bless America", and above it was written instead, "America bless God." this simple little bumper sticker really hit me, and I thought about it the whole way home. I started thinking about how many times I have seen God bless America brazenly written all over every household plaque, back bumper, facebook wall, etc. I think patriotism is a wonderful thing, but not when it comes at the cost of humility. Certainly we should be grateful that we can live, praise, love, read, and write freely, but superiority is such an ugly thing. And furthermore, how twisted is it that we as a country expect God to bless us, when every day His name is reviled and cursed in our country?

love more.
well, here's hoping. ;)

do more impossible things. I've only crossed off 7 of my 100 things to do before I die list in the past year, which is rather pitiful. here's to a more daring year!

be less dependent on money.

live this: 

Purify me with hyssop, and I shall be clean;
  Wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.
  Make me to hear joy and gladness,
Let the bones which You have broken rejoice.
Hide Your face from my sins
  And blot out all my iniquities.

  Create in me a clean heart, O God,
And renew a steadfast spirit within me.
  Do not cast me away from Your presence
And do not take Your Holy Spirit from me.
  Restore to me the joy of Your salvation
And sustain me with a willing spirit.

-Psalm 51:1-12

finals week means food. LOTS of food.

Finals weekend is here.
This means several things: Fleet Foxes and This Will Destroy You are on continuous replay in my room. If chocolate supplies are low, bad things will happen. Chances of eating lots and lots of Mexican food are much higher (three times already this week and counting). It also means I crave comfort food and procrastinate like crazy (funny how the majority of this list involves food...)

So this week, procrastination has been manifesting itself through cooking. I've made apple spice cupcakes, cranberry-orange pancakes, 101 ways to cook mac and cheese, pumpkin pies, and enough curry to last me a month. But the most delicious thing by far is this curried sweet potato soup. It really only came into being because I had a whole bag of sweet potatoes sitting on my counter that were soon to be fit only for the compost heap, so I needed a use for those babies asap. I've never really been one to sing the praises of sweet potatoes (more of a pumpkin girl); I didn't even start liking them until last year. But this soup... ohhh man, this soup. I made it for five of the pickiest eaters on earth (aka my younger siblings), and by the end of the meal, they were all volunteering to be my slaves for life. Okay, not really. But they all loved it.
ENOUGH TALK, here's the actual recipe.

Curried Sweet Potato Soup

Makes about 4-5 servings, depending on how hungry you are. 

3 large sweet potatoes 

1 can chicken or veggie stock (15 oz)

1 can coconut milk (12 oz)

2 large garlic cloves

2 Tbsp extra virgin olive oil

3 tsp ginger

1 tsp curry powder

1 tsp cumin

1/2 tsp cinnamon

pinch of chili powder

black pepper to taste

fresh rosemary (dried is fine as well, though not as flavorful)

Mince garlic and briefly saute (about 3 min) in olive oil in a soup pot over medium heat. Add chicken stock. Peel and cut sweet potatoes into 1-2 inch pieces, add to pot. Try to keep them submerged in the broth (this will shorten cooking time). Cover and cook over medium heat for about 15 minutes, or until sweet potatoes are soft. 

At this point you can either use a fancy-schmancy immersion blender or transfer it to a food processor. I however, being a poor college student, do not own fancy kitchen techware. I use a good ol' masher. This is also because I don't like my soup 100% pureed, I like to keep some texture. 

After blending by your method of choice, add coconut milk, rosemary, and spices. I usually add a good sized sprig of fresh rosemary (the equivalent of about 1/4 tsp dried). The spice measurements here are quite subjective, I switch up how much of each I add every time I make this. 

Pour into a bowl and eat with a blissful expression. 

So my procrastination here result in something somewhat productive... right? Back to studying Thorndike's law of effect and schedules of reinforcement in punishment and alternative folk medicinal remedies! And by studying what I really mean is that I'm going to cook brownies and watch Doctor Who.
good luck to all of you with final exams coming up! Eat this soup. It seriously helps with studying. :]

perfect day.

this

(reading John Keats under an oak tree on a perfect fall day-- 

"Thou wast not born for death, immortal Bird!
No hungry generations tread thee down..." from Ode to a Nightingale)

plus this

(Joshua playing Debussy <3)

and this

(whole grain waffles with nutella, strawberries, and bananas plus an unseen cup of chai tea) 

make my day just perfect.

anyone else enjoying the fall as much as I am? 

I'd love to hear your ideas of ways to spend these beautiful fall days. :] 

heritage.

today, by chance, I came across this poem by James Still. I had to read it aloud three or four times to hear it. poetry does that to me. losing myself in the sounds of the words strung together and their place on the page is an experience entirely different from just "understanding" a poem.


I shall not leave these prisoning hills
Though they topple their barren heads to level earth
And the forests slide uprooted out of the sky.

Though the waters of Troublesome, of Trace Fork,
Of Sand Lick rise in a single body to glean the valleys,
To drown lush pennyroyal, to unravel rail fences;
Though the sun-ball breaks the ridges into dust
And burns its strength into the blistered rock

I cannot leave. I cannot go away.

Being of these hills, being one with the fox
Stealing into the shadows, one with the new-born foal,
The lumbering ox drawing green beech logs to mill,
One with the destined feet of man climbing and descending,

And one with death rising to bloom again, I cannot go.

Being of these hills I cannot pass beyond.


ahhh I love this valley. I'm so selfish, but I think I live in one of the loveliest places in the states. Despite my incurable desire for travel and adventure, I'm not sure if I'll ever find a place as beautiful and dear to me as these rolling hills.

spring babies

I love spring. clichéd as it is, I love the signs of new life everywhere. 

 

Speaking of spring babies, my sister just had her second child yesterday morning :) 

I may be biased, but I think he's rather adorable. :]

"For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain. If I am to live in the flesh, that means fruitful labor for me. Yet which I shall choose I cannot tell. I am hard pressed between the two. My desire is to depart and be with Christ, for that is far better. But to remain in the flesh is more necessary on your account. Convinced of this, I know that I will remain and continue with you all, for your progress and joy in the faith, so that in me you may have ample cause to glory in Christ Jesus, because of my coming to you again."

-Philippians 1:21-26

I've been given a wonderful life.

I have incredible friends, memories both good and bad that have made me who I am, a brain that functions decently [sometimes], and beauty all around me.

In short, I love life, but... sometimes I'm so weary of this place.

I hate seeing people I love walking blindly in the blackest of night and not even realizing they can't see. I hate seeing the struggles and pain that my closest friends have to go through every day. I hate that some people have resigned themselves to the belief that there is nothing to live for beyond "being good".

Even at the risk of sounding like a self-righteous masochist with a death wish, I have to say that there are days when I really wouldn't be afraid to completely surrender myself to what I know will inevitably come.

But of course, that would be the easy way out... I can't escape the pain and suffering of this world, and while I may yearn for perfect love and a radically new existence, I know God has given me this life to do something. Not to resign myself to the fact that this a temporary state that I just have to get through as fast as I can, but as a temporary state that I want to make COUNT. I know in the end my efforts alone would count as loss, but I'm so excited to see what I can do with God's love and strength behind me.

What will you do to make your life count? What will you live for? Who will you live for?

"It was not always plain to me that pursuing God’s glory would be virtually the same as pursuing my joy. Now I see that millions of people waste their lives because they think these paths are two and not one."

-John Piper

"Be very careful, then, how you live—not as the unwise but as the wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is."

-Ephesians 5:15-17

more than a day for eggs

I see Your face in every sunrise

The colors of the morning are inside Your eyes

The world awakens in the light of the day
I look up to the sky and say
You're beautiful

I see Your power in the moonlit night
Where planets are in motion and galaxies are bright
We are amazed in the light of the stars
It's all proclaiming who You are
You're beautiful, You're beautiful

I see You there hanging on a tree
You bled and then You died and then You rose again for me
Now You are sitting on Your heavenly throne
Soon we will be coming home
You're beautiful, You're beautiful

When we arrive at eternity's shore
Where death is just a memory and tears are no more
We'll enter in as the wedding bells ring
Your bride will come together and we'll sing
You're beautiful

I'm in love.

the cello

mountains

the smell of freshly baked bread

beauty in unexpected places

j.m. barrie

so much color

going on an adventure all alone

secret kisses

the mud that squishes between your toes on spring days, the steam that rises from a cup of tea, falling asleep to the sound of someone else's breathing, hushed lonely walks through the woods, loveliness that can't be tamed, someone's fingers combing through your hair, silence so soft it deafens, night breezes.

the greatest of these

This weekend I had the amazing opportunity to go back to a youth retreat that I first started going to in 2004. Long story short: I never thought I'd be able to return due to complicated small print, but God (through the help of some great friends) brought me back, and let me say it was AWESOME. I went as a leader, but learned so much from the kids I went to help "mentor". The speaker spoke a lot about love, which, for obvious reasons, is one of my favorite topics. :) I've always been sort of prideful about the fact that I love people easily. It may not always be for the right reasons, but I usually find it pretty easy to love on people. Okay, love. This is MY thing. I've got this. I was thinking it'd be a pretty chill weekend (insert loud wrong-answer buzz here). I was feeling pretty good about myself until the speaker asked how often we've shared our story with others. 

"How, then, can they call on the one they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard? And how can they hear without someone preaching to them?" 

-Romans 10:14

I'm reminded of an illustration my pastor once gave. You're walking down the street when you hear screams coming from inside a burning building. What's your first thought? Is it "oh gosh, I really don't think I should go help those people... I mean, they might not really need help, they might be okay on their own.. besides, if I go in an help them, that's really pushy and in-your-face, and I might offend them... and I'm not even a trained firefighter. Maybe if I just walk on, someone more equipped to do this will help out..." The people in the burning house are the people we pass everyday, people who are silently screaming out for love, answers, someone to show them the way. How can I really say I love people when I'm leaving them to their own private hell?
Ouch.
If my love for people and my love for Jesus are as great as they are, I should be screaming it from the top of my lungs to EVERYONE. Okay, screaming it might not be the best idea.... but desperation is what I'm getting at here. Desperation to share this wonderful love with anyone who might cross my path.
Too often we're consumed with debilitating fear that people will think we're crazy freaks or, even worse, get offended. Of course, we don't worry about people getting offended at us when you blast our horn at that jerk that just cut you off, or when you make fun of someone behind their back, because those things have become acceptable in our perverted culture, yet sharing God's love with someone is taboo.
I might be ranting and raving a little here, but I was really convicted. I'm a hypocrite if my "love" for people doesn't extend deeper than a superficial smile, hello, or a hug.
When it really comes down to it, I've been put on this earth for two reasons: to glorify my God, and to love fiercely. And I can't think of a better way to live my days.

"By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another." 

-John 13:35

photoshoot with Natasha

I PROMISE a real entry sometime in the next week or so. I have one in the works, but school is eating me alive right now, and I want to put effort into it.
In the meantime... my lovely friend Natasha is taking some photography classes, and is desperate for subjects. Being the camerawhore that I am, I gladly volunteered. I feel a little narcissistic posting pictures of myself on my blog, but at least they're not myspace-esque self portraits, right? She just did such a great job (*cough* I can't think of anything else to post on short notice *cough*).

My lovely photographer :]

places I want to go: Arizona