"For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain. If I am to live in the flesh, that means fruitful labor for me. Yet which I shall choose I cannot tell. I am hard pressed between the two. My desire is to depart and be with Christ, for that is far better. But to remain in the flesh is more necessary on your account. Convinced of this, I know that I will remain and continue with you all, for your progress and joy in the faith, so that in me you may have ample cause to glory in Christ Jesus, because of my coming to you again."

-Philippians 1:21-26

I've been given a wonderful life.

I have incredible friends, memories both good and bad that have made me who I am, a brain that functions decently [sometimes], and beauty all around me.

In short, I love life, but... sometimes I'm so weary of this place.

I hate seeing people I love walking blindly in the blackest of night and not even realizing they can't see. I hate seeing the struggles and pain that my closest friends have to go through every day. I hate that some people have resigned themselves to the belief that there is nothing to live for beyond "being good".

Even at the risk of sounding like a self-righteous masochist with a death wish, I have to say that there are days when I really wouldn't be afraid to completely surrender myself to what I know will inevitably come.

But of course, that would be the easy way out... I can't escape the pain and suffering of this world, and while I may yearn for perfect love and a radically new existence, I know God has given me this life to do something. Not to resign myself to the fact that this a temporary state that I just have to get through as fast as I can, but as a temporary state that I want to make COUNT. I know in the end my efforts alone would count as loss, but I'm so excited to see what I can do with God's love and strength behind me.

What will you do to make your life count? What will you live for? Who will you live for?

"It was not always plain to me that pursuing God’s glory would be virtually the same as pursuing my joy. Now I see that millions of people waste their lives because they think these paths are two and not one."

-John Piper

"Be very careful, then, how you live—not as the unwise but as the wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is."

-Ephesians 5:15-17

more than a day for eggs

I see Your face in every sunrise

The colors of the morning are inside Your eyes

The world awakens in the light of the day
I look up to the sky and say
You're beautiful

I see Your power in the moonlit night
Where planets are in motion and galaxies are bright
We are amazed in the light of the stars
It's all proclaiming who You are
You're beautiful, You're beautiful

I see You there hanging on a tree
You bled and then You died and then You rose again for me
Now You are sitting on Your heavenly throne
Soon we will be coming home
You're beautiful, You're beautiful

When we arrive at eternity's shore
Where death is just a memory and tears are no more
We'll enter in as the wedding bells ring
Your bride will come together and we'll sing
You're beautiful

the greatest of these

This weekend I had the amazing opportunity to go back to a youth retreat that I first started going to in 2004. Long story short: I never thought I'd be able to return due to complicated small print, but God (through the help of some great friends) brought me back, and let me say it was AWESOME. I went as a leader, but learned so much from the kids I went to help "mentor". The speaker spoke a lot about love, which, for obvious reasons, is one of my favorite topics. :) I've always been sort of prideful about the fact that I love people easily. It may not always be for the right reasons, but I usually find it pretty easy to love on people. Okay, love. This is MY thing. I've got this. I was thinking it'd be a pretty chill weekend (insert loud wrong-answer buzz here). I was feeling pretty good about myself until the speaker asked how often we've shared our story with others. 

"How, then, can they call on the one they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard? And how can they hear without someone preaching to them?" 

-Romans 10:14

I'm reminded of an illustration my pastor once gave. You're walking down the street when you hear screams coming from inside a burning building. What's your first thought? Is it "oh gosh, I really don't think I should go help those people... I mean, they might not really need help, they might be okay on their own.. besides, if I go in an help them, that's really pushy and in-your-face, and I might offend them... and I'm not even a trained firefighter. Maybe if I just walk on, someone more equipped to do this will help out..." The people in the burning house are the people we pass everyday, people who are silently screaming out for love, answers, someone to show them the way. How can I really say I love people when I'm leaving them to their own private hell?
Ouch.
If my love for people and my love for Jesus are as great as they are, I should be screaming it from the top of my lungs to EVERYONE. Okay, screaming it might not be the best idea.... but desperation is what I'm getting at here. Desperation to share this wonderful love with anyone who might cross my path.
Too often we're consumed with debilitating fear that people will think we're crazy freaks or, even worse, get offended. Of course, we don't worry about people getting offended at us when you blast our horn at that jerk that just cut you off, or when you make fun of someone behind their back, because those things have become acceptable in our perverted culture, yet sharing God's love with someone is taboo.
I might be ranting and raving a little here, but I was really convicted. I'm a hypocrite if my "love" for people doesn't extend deeper than a superficial smile, hello, or a hug.
When it really comes down to it, I've been put on this earth for two reasons: to glorify my God, and to love fiercely. And I can't think of a better way to live my days.

"By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another." 

-John 13:35

what am I doing here?

I've been thinking about this blog a lot recently... what am I doing with it, what kind of things are people taking away, but mostly what kind of influence I'm having.
When I first started out, I thought it'd just be something fun for me to do and for my friends to get updates about me through college. It's not like I'm trying to brag about having 80 followers or anything, because that's hardly anything, but it's still crazy that anyone wants to read it. But then I started thinking, here are 80 people who I don't even really know, but are reading things I'm saying. Each of them has their own blog where they further affect other people.

So why is it I say such meaningless stuff on here?

I really do love being a part of "the hipster generation", but we're so selfish. Many people are doing awesome things to help others, but there are so many more who just sit around being cynical and sarcastic on their blogs, twitter, tumblr, whatever -- ranting about fashion faux pas, the joys of cupcakes, who has the snazziest polaroid camera, edgy tattoos, bands no one has heard of... and I'm not trying to separate myself from all that, because I have definitely been the same way about so many things. And there's nothing wrong with any of these things... but why let them take up our lives?
What's it all worth?

...nothing.

There are people dying on the other side of the world from starvation, while we sit here in America becoming vegan because it's the new fad. 20,000 kids died today. And will tomorrow. And the next day.

I've never been a huge fan of Bono, but what he said about our generation was like a slap in the face.

"There is a continent—Africa—being consumed by flames.

I truly believe that when the history books are written, our age will be remembered for three things.

the war on terror, the digital revolution, and what we did—or did not do—to put the fire out in Africa.

History, like God, is watching what we do."

I went to a concert last night where the band members were trying to get a hundred children from Africa sponsored. I sat there for a few minutes thinking of how great it would be to be able to sponsor a kid, but then my selfishness took over. I'm a college student, I thought. the "broke college student" card. Yes, I'm ashamed to say I played it. I hear this so many times every day. But look around at your fellow students - what are they driving? Do they have a nice phone or ipod? What about their clothes? Again, I'm not saying these things are bad. But can we honestly call ourselves a broke college student when we have an iTouch, name brand jeans, and have a car? Even if you don't have any of those things, what about shoes? Most people in third world countries don't even have one pair. I'd be willing to guarantee that every one of us has at least 4 or 5 pairs.

Let's be honest with ourselves - we are NOT BROKE.

I'm not really sure what I'm trying to accomplish with this post. I'm not trying to guilt trip you into feeling like a wealthy, luxurious American who should give up all your possessions and go sponsor a child... well... maybe I am. ;) Last night after the initial thoughts of doubt, I just gave up. I signed up to be a sponsor without thinking it through and overanalyzing like I usually do. I don't know if I'm going to be able to afford to come back to college next semester, but I know I have $35 a month to spare for someone who needs food. And it was one of the most amazing experiences of my life. I don't know how, but I know I'm never going to struggle to find that money. So I really, really, really would encourage anyone to do this - it's such a simple way to make a difference. [Both world vision and compassion international have sponsorship programs, it takes about 2 minutes to sign up]

But even more than that, if you will, just think a minute about the impact you're making - with your words, with your blog, your facebook, your twitter, whatever. Don't get me wrong, I love posting lovely pictures I've found, quotes I like, about favorite movies and musicians, clothes, things I want, etc. But just think about the influence we can have on the hundreds of friends (followers?) we have that will read what we're saying.

So I challenge you to take a hiatus from your usual blogging. Don't post about the newest fashion fad and how cute it is. Don't post about an artsy movie. Don't post about your newest etsy find. Instead post something meaningful. Something lasting. It's up to you what that is. :)